The culture of
marrying sergakhotkin or sergatmathang—brother in-law or sister
in-law was practised in Thrimshing to prevent going wealth going out of the
family and to avoid non-relatives coming as relatives. With this culture, a boy
marrying his girl cousin from his paternal aunty or the daughter of his
maternal uncle was socially accepted and practised in the village. Further the cross cousin marriages were considered sacred as people
believed that one’s sergamathang can be a gift for shingjey choeki
gyalpo— the lord of the death. The Tsangla tradition always looked at
the ‘bones’ of the bride or bridegroom before having any marriage ceremony. The
parents would accept only a bride or bridegroom with bagi khang (forehead
bone), nonshing khang (Langur one) and impede their child marrying a
bride or groom with rolong khang (zombie bone) and dhon khang (banshee
bone) to keep one’s bone superior and pure.
Dechen Yangden
was then six year old and her sergakhotkin had been
already engaged to other sergatmathang. So her father Tauhla felt that it was time for
her daughter to get engaged. Thus, he thought of tying a pre-nuptial knot
between his daughter and Jigme Namgyel, the son of Dicksey Namgyelma. Dicksey
heartily welcomed it and she was pleased with the old age tradition of Chungnyen— Childhood
Betrothal
or Engagement.
One evening, Tauhla consulted the diviner to suggest
auspicious day for the marriage ceremony based on the daily astrology book. Looking
at the zadkar—auspicious time, on the
propitious day, the Lama performed lhabsang—purification
rite and tsekuyangku—prayer for long
life and wealth. Early in the
morning, Tauhla placed jars filled with water, having flowers floating on it on
the right and left side of the main door so as to bring good luck. After the lhabsang, bridegroom carried a bucketful
of milk while the bride carried sang
or incense container filled with red-hot charcoal. Then bridegroom took the
milk bucket and placed it on the altar and bride placed sang container near the oven. The people
believed that milk would bring good omen and multiply cattle, while burning
charcoal would bless the couple with unceasing soenam—good luck.
After that,Tauhla
served Dicksey with ara on the cup
made out of banana leaves. Dicksey cut the bottom of the banana cup and accused
groom’s family of maltreating
the bride and the quarrel broke out. Importantly, this was taken very
humorously by the audience; thereby leading to spontaneous laughter. Fighting
was done on the day of marriage with a belief that whatever quarrel they are
going to have will be prevented or come to an end.
A chogdrom—wooden table was placed infront
of the couple, where the bride was made to sit at the left and the groom sat at
the right. They sat on the carpet with a design of cross vajra
which symbolized good fortune, printed underneath them. Khauw (container
used for measuring cereals) filled with barley mounted with three eggs and an
incense stick was kept on the chogdrom. A jandhom—wooden container of ara was kept for serkem (libation
offering). Jandhom, bottles and pots filled with drinks were arranged in
line before the chogdrom. The opening of each container was adorned with
karjhan—butter— molded into crossed vajra
to have a lasting marriage. An auspicious china- cup known as karyu tashi dargye filled with ara
which was decorated with butter at its rim was also kept on the chogdrom.
The Lama then offered libation to
please the local deities and then offered the bride and bridegroom with wine. After
the drinks, the bridegroom’s parents presented cloth gifts (dzongcha bura marpo)
and white scarves to the couple with prayers to have a happier and lasting
marriage.
Khauwmo then offered a gemstone to Jigme Namgyel as a souvenir gift for
becoming the part of their family. In a
same way, Dicksey Namgyelma took out her jewel which was given to her by her
mother, cut it from her neck and gave it to Dechen Yangden her daughter-in-law.
Memey Karchung-the eldest of the gathering stood up, took out fifty ngultrum
and said the following prayer:
Propitious stars are twinkling in the sky,
Auspicious zadhkar has blessed the earth,
Luckiest jukar
15 are found in between.
Without having a fire disaster from the oven
And sans having to take corpse out from the door;
Like the canes growing on the mountains
And like the bamboos flourishing in the valleys,
With abundance of cereals in the attic;
With plenty of people in the middle floor,
And with abundant cattle in
the ground floor,
May the couple be blessed with abundant wealth!
On this auspicious wedding ceremony,
Having blessed with deities and gods
May wealth be achieved through worldly affairs;
And bless the couple with everlasting peace and prosperity.
Then
the eldest woman of the gathering Abi Lhaden stood up; raised the felicity
scarf and made the following prayer:
To the golden goose,
Come here to grace this wedding
As your comb touches the sky,
It delights Lord Indhra— Lha Jhajen Wangpo
And it’s a symbol of timely rain.
To the golden goose,
Come here to grace this wedding,
As your beak opens the door of huge crag,
It thrills deity Kiplungtsan
And it’s a mark of abundant wealth.
To the golden goose
Come here to grace this wedding
As your claws unbolts the door of the black earth,
It delights Lu Gawachugpo— rich underworld serpent
And it’s a sign of having a prosperous life ahead.
The
people presented in the wedding ceremony with jandhom
of ara each and eggs were of the belief that a man’s heart can bear both
poison and arrow and a woman’s heart can contain both children and kindness.
After offering felicity scarves, they danced and later a grand wedding feast with
ara was served to them.
Thus,
the pre-nuptial ceremony was over and the world seemed rejoice with honor. The
event heightened the cultural legacy. Not for the cost of legal issue, the
culture of engagement was welcoming in the small-knitted society despite the existence
of rules pertaining to unlawful marriage. In the system, it required no legal
signing between the bride and the groom and a trust or faith was only the
mechanism to bridge them. Yet it was the fate that was to decide depending upon
their level of faith. However the young couple in the presence of their parents
agreed to trust each other and remain faithful to each other.
