Excerpt from ' ChungNyen'

The culture of marrying sergakhotkin or sergatmathang—brother in-law or sister in-law was practised in Thrimshing to prevent going wealth going out of the family and to avoid non-relatives coming as relatives. With this culture, a boy marrying his girl cousin from his paternal aunty or the daughter of his maternal uncle was socially accepted and practised in the village. Further the cross cousin marriages were considered sacred as people believed that one’s sergamathang can be a gift for shingjey choeki gyalpo— the lord of the death. The Tsangla tradition always looked at the ‘bones’ of the bride or bridegroom before having any marriage ceremony. The parents would accept only a bride or bridegroom with bagi khang (forehead bone), nonshing khang (Langur one) and impede their child marrying a bride or groom with rolong khang (zombie bone) and dhon khang (banshee bone) to keep one’s bone superior and pure.

Dechen Yangden was then six year old and her sergakhotkin had been already engaged to other sergatmathang.  So her father Tauhla felt that it was time for her daughter to get engaged. Thus, he thought of tying a pre-nuptial knot between his daughter and Jigme Namgyel, the son of Dicksey Namgyelma. Dicksey heartily welcomed it and she was pleased with the old age tradition of Chungnyen— Childhood Betrothal or Engagement.

 One evening, Tauhla consulted the diviner to suggest auspicious day for the marriage ceremony based on the daily astrology book. Looking at the zadkar—auspicious time, on the propitious day, the Lama performed lhabsang—purification rite and tsekuyangku—prayer for long life and wealth. Early in the morning, Tauhla placed jars filled with water, having flowers floating on it on the right and left side of the main door so as to bring good luck. After the lhabsang, bridegroom carried a bucketful of milk while the bride carried sang or incense container filled with red-hot charcoal. Then bridegroom took the milk bucket and placed it on the altar and bride placed sang container near the oven. The people believed that milk would bring good omen and multiply cattle, while burning charcoal would bless the couple with unceasing soenam—good luck.

After that,Tauhla served Dicksey with ara on the cup made out of banana leaves. Dicksey cut the bottom of the banana cup and accused groom’s family of maltreating the bride and the quarrel broke out. Importantly, this was taken very humorously by the audience; thereby leading to spontaneous laughter. Fighting was done on the day of marriage with a belief that whatever quarrel they are going to have will be prevented or come to an end.

A chogdrom—wooden table was placed infront of the couple, where the bride was made to sit at the left and the groom sat at the right. They sat on the carpet with a design of cross vajra which symbolized good fortune, printed underneath them. Khauw (container used for measuring cereals) filled with barley mounted with three eggs and an incense stick was kept on the chogdrom. A jandhom—wooden container of ara was kept for serkem (libation offering). Jandhom, bottles and pots filled with drinks were arranged in line before the chogdrom. The opening of each container was adorned with karjhan—butter— molded into crossed vajra to have a lasting marriage. An auspicious china- cup known as karyu tashi dargye filled with ara which was decorated with butter at its rim was also kept on the chogdrom.

 The Lama then offered libation to please the local deities and then offered the bride and bridegroom with wine. After the drinks, the bridegroom’s parents presented cloth gifts (dzongcha bura marpo) and white scarves to the couple with prayers to have a happier and lasting marriage. Khauwmo then offered a gemstone to Jigme Namgyel as a souvenir gift for becoming the part of their family.  In a same way, Dicksey Namgyelma took out her jewel which was given to her by her mother, cut it from her neck and gave it to Dechen Yangden her daughter-in-law. Memey Karchung-the eldest of the gathering stood up, took out fifty ngultrum and said the following prayer:

Propitious stars are twinkling in the sky,

Auspicious zadhkar has blessed the earth,

Luckiest jukar 15 are found in between.

Without having a fire disaster from the oven

And sans having to take corpse out from the door;

Like the canes growing on the mountains

And like the bamboos flourishing in the valleys,

With abundance of cereals in the attic;

With plenty of people in the middle floor,

And with abundant cattle in the ground floor,                                                                              

May the couple be blessed with abundant wealth!

On this auspicious wedding ceremony,

Having blessed with deities and gods

May wealth be achieved through worldly affairs;

And bless the couple with everlasting peace and prosperity.

Then the eldest woman of the gathering Abi Lhaden stood up; raised the felicity scarf and made the following prayer:

To the golden goose,

Come here to grace this wedding

As your comb touches the sky,

It delights Lord Indhra— Lha Jhajen Wangpo

And it’s a symbol of timely rain.

To the golden goose,

Come here to grace this wedding,

As your beak opens the door of huge crag,

It thrills deity Kiplungtsan

And it’s a mark of abundant wealth.

To the golden goose

Come here to grace this wedding

As your claws unbolts the door of the black earth,

It delights Lu Gawachugpo— rich underworld serpent

And it’s a sign of having a prosperous life ahead.

The people presented in the wedding ceremony with jandhom of ara each and eggs were of the belief that a man’s heart can bear both poison and arrow and a woman’s heart can contain both children and kindness. After offering felicity scarves, they danced and later a grand wedding feast with ara was served to them.

Thus, the pre-nuptial ceremony was over and the world seemed rejoice with honor. The event heightened the cultural legacy. Not for the cost of legal issue, the culture of engagement was welcoming in the small-knitted society despite the existence of rules pertaining to unlawful marriage. In the system, it required no legal signing between the bride and the groom and a trust or faith was only the mechanism to bridge them. Yet it was the fate that was to decide depending upon their level of faith. However the young couple in the presence of their parents agreed to trust each other and remain faithful to each other.